Comedians Invade the West End
Warning: This post is not for people who enjoy boredom.
There are shows in the west end right now that can actually help you live longer, healthier and happier lives. Here’s how…
*I’m about to get a little spiritual on your ass, but stick with me because there’s a valuable theatre fable in here somewhere!*
This week (apart from theatre excursions) I have mostly been listening to the Tony Robbins audio tapes, and for the uninitiated Robbins is one of those really obnoxious American motivators who teaches how to live your life, and love your God to the max!
So whilst pounding packed streets back to my Earls Court homestead (dodging tramps and happy shoppers) I’ve been filling my ears with success techniques form the American maverick who always finishes his broadcasts with the sickly sweet catchphrase LIVE WITH PASSION.
Is This A Big Bunch Of Bull? (You Deicide)
Lesson #1
The first lesson I learned from Tony was the Law of Attraction which suggests:
“Whatever you think about consistently will show up in your life as if by magic.”
This worked for me right-out-the-box because all day long I was thinking about cooking Sirloin Steak in foaming butter / Olive Oil, and when I got home I was Magically carrying a Waitrose bag full of all the ingredients to make Sirloin Steak in foaming butter / Olive Oil, plus the *bonus* side dish of sautéed potatoes with spring onion. I literally manifested it right out of thin air and all it took was money and effort.
== >> Interesting fact: Sirloin Steak is called Sirloin steak because Henry VIII gave it a Knighthood. He thought it was scrummy too…
Lesson #2
The next thing was a concept for planning important projects called “OPA” which stands for Outcome>Purpose>Action. (It’s crucial to do it in that order.)
Here’s my OPA plan for this post; the idea is to exaggerate a little which helps with enthusiasm, passion and mental juice.
OUTCOME: Inspire the Oliver Awards ‘People’ to create a new category called “The Theatre Blogging Lifetime Achievement Award” in my honour.
PURPOSE: Because want to enrich the humanity with timely theatre titbits.
ACTION: Type like buggery for two hours, drink Starbucks, then come back and edit the shambles of words I’ve created into something that sounds kind of theatre related.
Lesson #3
The third and most theatre relevant concept in this magical three part symphony is that:
Laughter can be a REAL cure for many of Man’s problems.
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To illustrate his point Mr Robbins tells the story of a young woman who is diagnosed with a terrible disease, and instead of going through the long-winded traditional medical treatments buys the entire box set of Sex and the City DVDs. Can you guess what happened?
CURED!
After hearing this unbelievable FACT I noticed a little cough had taken root in my throat and decided to run a test. My medicine would not be Tixylix but an absolute Only Fools and Horses FEST in a darkened room…
20 hours later my little cough HAD GONE…only to be replaced by a pulsing migraine and mild vitamin E deficiency. SO IT WORKED!
WHAT on Earth has all this got to do with Theatre?
Well as if by the magic of perfect comedy timing, no sooner has this new Laughter Cure discovery come to public attention, than the West End seems to be overrun by some of TV’s best loved comedy heroes! Breaking down invisible theatre barriers and pitching up in some of London’s most cherished venues, these comedy Fat Cats are leaving a trail of broken sales records in their wake.
YES comedians have truly invaded the West End like some medieval Roman Garrisons building the straightest roads to hilarity that the world has ever seen. Accompanied on their flights of fantastic fancy by a loyal army of fans and a ‘Grizzly Death-Move’ which involves taking an innocent member of the audience and literally splitting their sides open with well observed humor.
So without further ado here are the Holy Trinity of Funsters who are set to hold the capital under hilarious siege in coming months.
French and Saunders - Still Alive
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The “Final Tour” as Britain’s most popular duo call time or their 30 year partnership with this lap of honour. You can expect to witness some of their most famous and memorable sketches in this wet-your-knickers show at the Theatre Royal!
French Says: Dawn French was the first person every to say “Blowjob” on national television, so happily they will always have their little place in the annals of history…
Venue: Theatre Royal Drury Lane
Booking From: Wednesday, 15 October 2008
Booking Until: Saturday, 08 November 2008
Billy Bailey - Tinselworm
Apparently Bill Bailey has perfect pitch which means if you go up to him and say “Hey Bill sing me and E” he will go “EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE” and that will be exactly the same as a perfect E on the Piano. Isn’t that wild!
Bill Says: Terrible lyrics from The Killers “I’ve got soul/but I’m not a soldier”, you might as well say “I’ve got ham/but I’m not a hamster.”
My girlfriend saw old Bill and his little son on the train the other day and wants me to urge you to book tickets because he seemed like a really loving father, patiently answering zillions of questions with a mild mannered benevolence.
But I know that YOU don’t care about all that mushy stuff and just want the HARD FACTS:
So I absolutely guarantee that this show will make you cry TEARS OF JOY :====
Venue: Gielgud Theatre
Booking From: Monday, 10 November 2008
Booking Until: Saturday, 20 December 2008
Eddie Izzard - Stripped
The Python influenced comedian who describes himself as a “male lesbian” is back doing what he does best after the small matter of conquering American TV and film.
Eddie Says: “So… I’ve decided there’s no God.”
My earliest recolection of Eddie Izzard is that his gigs would often come on just after Eurotrash. His crossdressing comedy missiles were always the perfect pudding after a heavy session of Eurotrash watching.
Venue: *Coming Soon*
Booking From: *Coming Soon*
Booking Until: *Coming Soon*
Laughter is no JOKE, depressing entertainment BE GONE!
I’ve decided that I’m no longer going to watch any of the following TV shows as they are ruining my juice and passion for life:
- Girl With 8 Legs
- The Man Who Ate His Lover
- Half-Ton Man
- She Stole My Fetus
- Update: I’m Glad I Ate My Legs
- The Boy Who Gave Birth To His Twin
- The Man Who Slept for 19 Years
- The 80-year-old Children
- The Two-Headed Baby!!!
No instead I’m going to spend every waking minute either attending fun-filled family theatre or watching classic comedy episodes from TV past, present and future.
You plonkers…
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