La Clique – C’est Manifique!
As a self-proclaimed theatre lover, it has been one of my missions once I officially touched down in London town to see as many shows as humanly possible. A daring feat if I do say so myself. Clearly I know nothing of dangerous endeavours – my idea of living life dangerously involves consuming milk past its due date.
What I do know is that La Clique is a fantastic spectacle, where performers invariably push their mortality to the limits time and time again! Since starting performances on Oct. 10th, La Clique has been wowing audiences into the wee hours.
The best way I can describe this show is a clever amalgamation of vaudeville, cabaret and a small, delicious dollop of smut. However, this show isn’t all about the temptations of the flesh – oh no! There is a real historical thread in La Clique that suits the Hippodrome perfectly; recalling the old days of this famous London venue.
Originally constructed in 1900 as a water circus with a 100,000 litre pool in which elephants, polar bears and sea lions (oh my!) could be seen, the Hippodrome has hosted performances as wide ranging as escapologist Harry Houdini, Ivor Novello, Judy Garland, and Sugar Ray Robinson. The mood of the current production is typical of the venue after it’s circus days, with dim lighting and - small intimate tables dispersed throughout the circular venue; a very jazzy feel.
As I took in my surroundings, I waited with baited breath for the production. As Mario, Queen of the Circus tried to summarise the events to come, I started to get slightly nervous… I am not someone who copes well with odd and otherwise extremely painful movements/positions that are well beyond my own ample… gymnastic abilities. With acts like, Hanky Panky, Captain Frodo’s contortionism, David O’Mer’s bath time acrobatics, The English Gents and much more – my imagination started to run wild…
After facing my fears, I realised there was more to La Clique than meets the eye! Literally, but we’re all adults here… nothing we haven’t seen before. Okay, well maybe not.
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Quotes from La Cage Aux Folles press night at the Playhouse Theatre
Read the amazing 5 Star reviews below and book you tickets early, because it looks like this show is going to be a MASSIVE HIT!
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Beam me up Gandalf…
The title of this post is Total and Utter Genius even if I do say so myself!!!
But wait, before you denounce me as an arrogant little twerp who has “Gone a little too far this time”, let me first offer my excuses, and the REAL reason I can so highly endorse the title of my own post…
I STOLE IT!
Let me rephrase that…I did not actually steal it, but this special headline was really the brainchild of “Jeff” (our wonderful in-house computer programmer) who sits right opposite me on the third floor of Discount Theatre towers. He had this inspired thought whilst wading though the multitude of 0s + 1s that keep our particular ship in good shape.
So not only is he responsible for the easy and secure booking system you have no doubt come to know and love over the last couple of years, but now he is also going to be my first port of call for snappy blog titles as well!
Another reason this made me smile ominously is that like all the best headlines throughout history, it surreptitiously explains exactly what the subject matter is whilst leaving plenty of room for the required intrigue and infamy that makes this a must-read, eyeball-magnet for all true theatre fans…
Now let’s get to the point; an amazing announcement has just been made that unites two mighty Shakespearian powers into an event that will rock “Mother Theatre” to her very foundations. I’m going to call this next part “One Play to Rule Them All” for reasons that will become very clear.
IAN MCKELLEN AND PATRICK STEWART ARE SET TO STAR IN SAMUEL BECKETT’S
WAITING FOR GODOT
Yes these two home-grown Hollywood heavyweights, and veterans of the stage join forces to play Beckett’s famous Tramps in a special UK tour, but more importantly (for us Londoners anyway) at The Theatre Royal Haymarket!
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Comedians Invade the West End
Warning: This post is not for people who enjoy boredom.
There are shows in the west end right now that can actually help you live longer, healthier and happier lives. Here’s how…
*I’m about to get a little spiritual on your ass, but stick with me because there’s a valuable theatre fable in here somewhere!*
This week (apart from theatre excursions) I have mostly been listening to the Tony Robbins audio tapes, and for the uninitiated Robbins is one of those really obnoxious American motivators who teaches how to live your life, and love your God to the max!
So whilst pounding packed streets back to my Earls Court homestead (dodging tramps and happy shoppers) I’ve been filling my ears with success techniques form the American maverick who always finishes his broadcasts with the sickly sweet catchphrase LIVE WITH PASSION.
Is This A Big Bunch Of Bull? (You Deicide)
Lesson #1
The first lesson I learned from Tony was the Law of Attraction which suggests:
“Whatever you think about consistently will show up in your life as if by magic.”
This worked for me right-out-the-box because all day long I was thinking about cooking Sirloin Steak in foaming butter / Olive Oil, and when I got home I was Magically carrying a Waitrose bag full of all the ingredients to make Sirloin Steak in foaming butter / Olive Oil, plus the *bonus* side dish of sautéed potatoes with spring onion. I literally manifested it right out of thin air and all it took was money and effort.
== >> Interesting fact: Sirloin Steak is called Sirloin steak because Henry VIII gave it a Knighthood. He thought it was scrummy too…
Lesson #2
The next thing was a concept for planning important projects called “OPA” which stands for Outcome>Purpose>Action. (It’s crucial to do it in that order.)
Here’s my OPA plan for this post; the idea is to exaggerate a little which helps with enthusiasm, passion and mental juice.
OUTCOME: Inspire the Oliver Awards ‘People’ to create a new category called “The Theatre Blogging Lifetime Achievement Award” in my honour.
PURPOSE: Because want to enrich the humanity with timely theatre titbits.
ACTION: Type like buggery for two hours, drink Starbucks, then come back and edit the shambles of words I’ve created into something that sounds kind of theatre related.
Lesson #3
The third and most theatre relevant concept in this magical three part symphony is that:
Laughter can be a REAL cure for many of Man’s problems.
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To illustrate his point Mr Robbins tells the story of a young woman who is diagnosed with a terrible disease, and instead of going through the long-winded traditional medical treatments buys the entire box set of Sex and the City DVDs. Can you guess what happened?
CURED!
After hearing this unbelievable FACT I noticed a little cough had taken root in my throat and decided to run a test. My medicine would not be Tixylix but an absolute Only Fools and Horses FEST in a darkened room…
20 hours later my little cough HAD GONE…only to be replaced by a pulsing migraine and mild vitamin E deficiency. SO IT WORKED!
WHAT on Earth has all this got to do with Theatre?
Well as if by the magic of perfect comedy timing, no sooner has this new Laughter Cure discovery come to public attention, than the West End seems to be overrun by some of TV’s best loved comedy heroes! Breaking down invisible theatre barriers and pitching up in some of London’s most cherished venues, these comedy Fat Cats are leaving a trail of broken sales records in their wake.
YES comedians have truly invaded the West End like some medieval Roman Garrisons building the straightest roads to hilarity that the world has ever seen. Accompanied on their flights of fantastic fancy by a loyal army of fans and a ‘Grizzly Death-Move’ which involves taking an innocent member of the audience and literally splitting their sides open with well observed humor.
So without further ado here are the Holy Trinity of Funsters who are set to hold the capital under hilarious siege in coming months.
French and Saunders - Still Alive
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The “Final Tour” as Britain’s most popular duo call time or their 30 year partnership with this lap of honour. You can expect to witness some of their most famous and memorable sketches in this wet-your-knickers show at the Theatre Royal!
French Says: Dawn French was the first person every to say “Blowjob” on national television, so happily they will always have their little place in the annals of history…
Venue: Theatre Royal Drury Lane
Booking From: Wednesday, 15 October 2008
Booking Until: Saturday, 08 November 2008
Billy Bailey - Tinselworm
Apparently Bill Bailey has perfect pitch which means if you go up to him and say “Hey Bill sing me and E” he will go “EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE” and that will be exactly the same as a perfect E on the Piano. Isn’t that wild!
Bill Says: Terrible lyrics from The Killers “I’ve got soul/but I’m not a soldier”, you might as well say “I’ve got ham/but I’m not a hamster.”
My girlfriend saw old Bill and his little son on the train the other day and wants me to urge you to book tickets because he seemed like a really loving father, patiently answering zillions of questions with a mild mannered benevolence.
But I know that YOU don’t care about all that mushy stuff and just want the HARD FACTS:
So I absolutely guarantee that this show will make you cry TEARS OF JOY :====
Venue: Gielgud Theatre
Booking From: Monday, 10 November 2008
Booking Until: Saturday, 20 December 2008
Eddie Izzard - Stripped
The Python influenced comedian who describes himself as a “male lesbian” is back doing what he does best after the small matter of conquering American TV and film.
Eddie Says: “So… I’ve decided there’s no God.”
My earliest recolection of Eddie Izzard is that his gigs would often come on just after Eurotrash. His crossdressing comedy missiles were always the perfect pudding after a heavy session of Eurotrash watching.
Venue: *Coming Soon*
Booking From: *Coming Soon*
Booking Until: *Coming Soon*
Laughter is no JOKE, depressing entertainment BE GONE!
I’ve decided that I’m no longer going to watch any of the following TV shows as they are ruining my juice and passion for life:
- Girl With 8 Legs
- The Man Who Ate His Lover
- Half-Ton Man
- She Stole My Fetus
- Update: I’m Glad I Ate My Legs
- The Boy Who Gave Birth To His Twin
- The Man Who Slept for 19 Years
- The 80-year-old Children
- The Two-Headed Baby!!!
No instead I’m going to spend every waking minute either attending fun-filled family theatre or watching classic comedy episodes from TV past, present and future.
You plonkers…
At The Old Vic London - Norman Conquests
As the Old Vic Theatre is a historical landmark in the West End, I thought I would indulge my Canadian ignorance and see what it was all about. Expecting to enter a classic and beautifully preserved space, I was initially in dismay when I saw that the traditional stage had been reconstructed as a theatre round. Currently featuring the Norman Conquests, I suddenly became intrigued, realising that it was three shows in one – how decadent! So I decided to stick around to enjoy all three: Table Manners, Living Together and Round and Round the Garden. Little did I know I had just set aside the day to be spent in the theatre, but not to worry, these plays can be enjoyed together or separately. To my delight, I left the newly revamped Old Vic with pep in my step; this production is fantastic!
Edith Piaf – Fact or Fiction?
(Edith Piaf: This post was written to celebrate the smash-hit, sell-out run of Jamie Lloyd’s production of Piaf at the Donmar Warehouse, and its upcoming move to the Vaudeville Theatre on the 16th of October 2008, for a limited run. For Theatre Tickets click here.)
One of the biggest reasons Edith Piaf has been such an enduring icon is that despite the millions of words written in books and biographies, much of her life is still shrouded in mystery. Happily many intriguing legends have replaced boring old facts.
So to wet your appetite for the show (which opens at the Vaudeville Theatre on October 18th) here are a few of my favourites:
Born on the Pavement (Truth Rating 3/10)
Let’s kick off our run down right at the beginning, the very moment when little Edith took her first tiny breath in this cruel cruel world. Legend suggests that she was born right on the street, and when I say street I mean that her crash mat was the cold hard pavement. I was born at ‘Queen Charlotte’s Hospital’ in Hammersmith so I can only imagine the scene… screaming, scratching, lots of blood, cats looking on in wonder, men selling fruit from scruffy stalls, children playing with dog poo.
Honestly that does not sound like a very sterile environment in which birth a young infant. If I look out my window here, onto the streets of Leicester Square I can see a number of weird looking men with overlong beards and floppy cigarettes supposedly tiding up, and I must admit that London does feel a little bit cleaner recently. But the streets of Paris back in 1915 must have been teaming with nasty parasites just waiting to pounce on a little baby.
I wouldn’t have lasted a week with all those germs, not with my sickly constitution…
What’s in a name? (Truth Rating 5/10)
The Edith part of Edith Piaf’s name supposedly comes from the heroic British nurse Edith Cavell, who in World War 1 risked life and limb to transport injured British and French troops back to neutral territory. Unfortunately she was caught and sent to the firing squad, but became a martyr and hero for many people during the war, and a number of little babies were awarded the name in her honour.
The Piaf part develops many years later when fans attending her live performances were shocked to see how very small the woman was, only four feet ten inches! After saying “Ooo isn’t she small” the nickname Piaf was given, meaning “Little Sparrow” in French. (Not that I speak French you understand, apart from “Je M’Appelle Ben, et c’est mon freind Chris” and “Je voudrais roast beouf.”)
Personally I will name my two unborn daughters Sandalwood 1 and Sandalwood 2, for I believe a spirit from wood and trees runs through us all…
P.S
Why are older people called: Ethel, Maureen, Margret, Phyllis and Enoch…?
And younger people called: Flash, Imagen, Shy, Peaches, Pixies, Brooklyn, Apple, Romeo and Tiger…?
Weird…
Raised by Prostitutes (Truth Rating 8/10)
Before enlisting to help fight World War 1, Edith’s father called up his mother and said “Hi Mum, I’m just off to help fight World War 1, would you mind watching the baby for me until I get back”. His Mother said “SURE!”
The only slight issue here was that Edith’s grandmother was the madam of a Paris brothel, which for some ‘Bleeding Heart Liberals’ might not sound like ideal place to bring up an innocent young girl.
But by all accounts little Edith had a whale of a time making friends with the women there, allowing herself to be fussed over and adopted as their little cherub of sin.
Let there be sight (Truth Rating 5/10)
Another rumor I’ve often heard is that Edith lost her sight when she was three due to a nasty condition called Keratitis, in which the eye’s cornea becomes inflamed.
Cue a piece of amazing kindliness on the part of her grandmother’s brothel women who scrimped and saved, pooling their money they sent Edith on a religious pilgrimage resulting in sight being restored.
It’s a miracle….
CDs in 1946 (Truth Rating 0/10)
Finally the music world catches on and realizes that Edith Piaf has just the right mixture of talent and tragedy to sell bucket loads of CDs, which were invented right after the World War 1 to boost moral. (Just like our latter-day Pop Idols who always seem to be most successful when struggling with some kind of drug abuse or family tragedy.)
Club owner Louis Leplée was first to discover Edith singing on the streets and persuaded her to perform at his establishment even though she had crushing stage fright.
That was it, everybody loved the ‘Little Sparrow’ and the world became her oyster card.
Ello Ello (Truth Rating 1/10)
During World War 2 Edith was branded ‘Traitor’ due to her frequent performances for the German troops, although she always maintained that throughout this period she was really working as a double agent for the French resistance, and used her position and popularity to aid the war effort.
That sounds kind of feasible to me, so I think I’m going to believe it wholeheartedly. It’s like my mother always says, “Don’t let questionable morals get in the way of an enjoyable iTunes playlist, apart from when it comes to Gary Glitter!”
Biggest Star in the Universe (Truth Rating 10/10)
Due to her rather colorful lifestyle Edith Paif was denied a funeral mass by the Roman Catholic archbishop when she died. But 100.000 people came along anyway, and Paris descended into complete chaos and standstill for a good few hours.
A qwerky Russian astronomer even named a tiny little planet in memory of the singing-pocket-rocket, planet 3772 Piaf.
Theatre Tickets / London Theatre Tickets
Law vs. Tennant: a Theatrical Showdown in London’s West-End
Hamlet London: When I first heard the news, I immediately let out a hearty laugh in response to my sheer excitement and curiosity. What’s this you say? Is it true Jude Law and David Tennant to play Hamlet in the West-End? I can’t think of anything more scandalous and absolutely wonderful. Two actors, with different skills and aesthetics, set to play one of the most demanding and intense roles in theatre history. Get bloody ready folks – it’s about to get messy.
2x Hamlet London = Once in a lifetime…
It is not often that such a monumental occasion graces the West-End; but frankly I’m looking forward to it. I’m not a huge Dr.Who fan (stop waving your fists about, I watched Tennant in Harry Potter and loved it!), but I have come to know that this role has been institutionalised in Britain; Tennant packs a lot of heat. As for Jude “man-pretty” Law, his credits in the silicone (oops, did I just say that?) valley of Hollywood is more notable than his previous stints on stage with Oscar Nominations strapped to his proverbial belt. Do you think he’ll be allowed to slather on the bronzer by the way? Law’s Hamlet may need a sun-kissed glow… it is s
eemingly his red carpet standby.
So, where and when can we expect the showdown? You want the dirty details? Be prepared for a theatrical battle set to commence this 3rd of December as the RSC version will kick off at the Novello Theatre. The Donmar’s production of Hamlet isn’t scheduled to ignite until May 29th allowing the Royal Shakespeare Company to hit up Theatreland first.
It is no secret that David Tennant is a well trained actor with plenty of experience on stage and enough praise to last him a lifetime. Performances of the RSC production finish in Stratford-Upon-Avon on Nov. 15th after a great run that began in July ‘08. It has been wagered that this contemporary version of Hamlet (which sees Tennant looking like a straight-up bum in some scenes) will differ in many ways to the Donmar interpretation, to be directed by the talented Kenneth Branagh (so I have a crush…don’t judge me).
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If musicals be the food of Love, Dream On!
It’s been a winning formula for a couple of years now…
Take a hit West End musical, and transform it into a high budget glitzy movie starring Renee Zellweger, Catherine Zeta-Jones or Pears Brosnan. Then sit back on your private yacht with the champagne and Honeyz all around, and watch the $$$$ roll in.
I can almost hear the unscrupulous movie producers’ distorted minds ticking over through the din of cocaine-induced jitters and gurning: “It worked with Chicago, now let’s do it with The Producers. It kind of worked with The Producers, now let’s do it with Mamma Mia!. And by God did it work with Mamma Mia!, let’s do it with Wicked next fall.”
So basically this concept works out great for all involved, Catherine Zeta-Jones is happy because she becomes even more worthy of her marriage to ‘alleged’ sex addict Michael Douglas; the movie producers are happy because they can pay the tab on their lives of sin and debauchery; and the shows are grateful for the additional interest, because there is no denying that movie exposure puts fresh pink booty on seats.
But an interesting role reversal has been taking place recently, because now it seems that kind and virtuous West End theatre producers (who seem in most ways to be the direct opposites of their movie counterparts) are returning the favour, and using some of cinemas best-loved offerings as inspiration for new shows. The first of these being Rain Man at the Apollo Theatre, based on the Oscar-winning film staring Tom Cruise and Dustin Hoffman, closely followed by Edward Scissorhands in December (although it was actually on stage a while back, too), and an exciting production of Sister Act proposed for the New Year.
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Mapping the Stars: where are they now?
We all know what happens to the winners of such find-the-next-West-End-star reality television programmes as Any Dream Will Do, How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria? and I’d Do Anything… they grace the stage with the sweet-sounding singing and delightful dancing for months and months and months… Lee ‘Joseph’ Mead is still getting knickers of amazing colours (and sizes) thrown at him at the Adelphi Theatre, Connie ‘Maria’ Fisher enjoyed a year and a half at the London Palladium before moving on to other projects, and the nation is holding its breath for Jodie ‘Nancy’ Prenger to take us back to Dickensian London in OLIVER!.
But what happens to the losers? Oooh, no, that sounds too harsh – let’s call ‘em ‘close runners-up’. Where are they now? Well, I’m happy to say a lot of them are doing very well (he says smoothly, as if he has Sex and the City-style cocktail nights with them all on a regular basis)…
Rachel Tucker
Who narrowly missed being cast as Nancy, has just landed herself her first West End leading lady role. The Belfast-born brunette bombshell (not easy to say after a few SATC-style cocktails) takes over the part of the sassy rebel ‘Meat’ in Queen and Ben Elton’s hit musical WE WILL ROCK YOU from Monday 22nd September. She told me (okay, so she told everyone else, too): “It is a dream part. WE WILL ROCK YOU is one of my favourite shows. I first saw it when I was a student at the Royal Academy [name-dropper], and loved it. I am beside myself with excitement. I just can’t believe it.” Well, believe it, baby, ‘cos I’m gonna be there on the front row with a pair of highly aerodynamic Y-fronts at the ready… As the great Freddie Mercury once sung: “I am a sex machine ready to reload, like an atom bomb, about to oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, explode.”
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No Man’s Land - Exclusive Rehearsal Photos
No Man’s Land: Those of you who have been watching this blog like little hawks during its early thrashings of life over the past couple of weeks, will have surely seen (and no doubt thoroughly enjoyed) the post in which we ingeniously asked the question: “Can we take comedians seriously in London’s West End?”
So today, by way of a follow-up, I can present some exclusive rehearsal pictures from one of the exciting productions mentioned in that article - the much-anticipated No Man’s Land. This is the production of the Harold Pinter penned play starring funny man David Walliams, as well Michael Gambon, David Bradley and Nick Dunning.
“How is this possible?!” I hear you ask “Is Discount Theatre literally in league with the Devil?!” you scream, “How on earth could such amazing images have been procured without the aid of torture and tyranny?!”
Well, keep your hair on for just a minute and I will tell all…
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